11. Megan: A wonderful, exhausting, chaotic first year | Episode 11
The following article may contain affiliate links or sponsored content. I do not promote products that I don't personally use or recommend.
We’re joined today by Megan Walsh. Megan is a licensed creative arts therapist and board-certified music therapist - AND a new mom! In this episode, Megan talks about what her first year as a mother has been like and how her training and work as a creative arts psychotherapist has set her up to bond and connect with her son. Megan talks about getting to establish a playful, fun, loving, and openly affectionate family culture with her son, how communication has strengthened her relationship with her husband, and navigating adjusting ambition and work-life balance as a mother and business owner.
Megan talks about:
Communication is 🔑 even when it’s hard - sharing feelings around resentment and the unequal load in postpartum
Shifting feelings about work and ambition in postpartum and early parenting
How routines and schedules have supported her family in being connected and being flexible
How her training and work as a creative arts psychotherapist has impacted her parenting, especially in the early days
Using music for co-regulation, connection, and bonding (some golden tools in this one!)
Embracing the duality of the hard and the good in the first year of parenting
Join us and get ready to be inspired to sing to your baby 🎤
Megan Walsh, LCAT, LPMT, MT-BC
Megan graduated with her master’s degree in music psychotherapy from New York University in 2014. She worked as a licensed creative arts therapist and board-certified music therapist with adults, teenagers, and children in prominent teaching hospitals for six years before moving full time into private practice for the last three years. She is currently completing an advanced clinical training as an analytical music therapy practitioner. Her work has been presented nationally, and Megan has served as a guest lecturer at New York University and St. Mary College of the Woods. When she is not working, you can find Megan harmonizing to her Spotify playlist, listening to her favorite podcasts, and spending time outdoors with her husband, son, and pups.
Resources:
Managing Sleep Deprivation as a New Parent
Communication Habits of Successful Couples
Eight Ways to Keep Your Relationship Healthy During Postpartum and Early Parenting
Returning to Work After Maternity Leave: 3 Ways to Feel Less Overwhelmed
Ollie Swaddle (use discount code 9NWURUWCHW for 10% off 💰)
From Megan:
Megan’s website
Instagram: @connectwithmegan
Transcript:
Molly Vasa Bertolucci:
Hi Megan, thank you so much for joining us! Tell us a little bit about yourself and your family.
Megan Walsh
Thank you so much for having me, I'm so excited to be here. So I am Megan, I work as a licensed creative arts psychotherapist. So I see clients from teens to adults and I was very full time but after having my son, Michael, who is eight months old now, I'm doing more part time work as I've adjusted to motherhood. And I am married to my husband, Mike, we’ve been married since 2021 - had a pandemic wedding experience so that got bumped a little longer than we liked. but um but yeah that's our little family: me, Mike, and Michael and then we have 2 dogs ah Franklin and Molly who are adorable and a handful.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci
What 3 words would you use to describe your first year of motherhood so far?
Megan Walsh
That is a great question I would say wonderful, exhausting and… 3 is an interesting number because like I want to balance it out right? Like the wonderful in the chaos. But I think maybe we'll bring in chaos as my last word. That's for sure.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci
Yeah, that's such a good one. I'm actually surprised that hasn't come up before because it is, it's such a chaotic time, like such a destabilizing, chaotic time.
Megan Walsh
Oh my God, yep. Absolutely Especially as a very, you know, type A type person! I love to plan you know, love feeling in control and poof. It's all gone.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci
Yeah, babies are really good at being like nope you are not in charge here.
What was the model in your head of motherhood? What did you think that the first year would be like?
Megan Walsh
Ah, you know, I knew it would be exhausting. I specifically I remember my husband and I on our anniversary last year we were like, we were doing a toast and we were like you know, we know that this next year is gonna be hard right? All we've heard is that this is going to be hard. It's going to be really hard. You're not going to sleep but we said we want to make sure that we focus on all the good things and I really took that with me and every like kind of little moment and so many of these moments are around being really connected with my son like when he's smiling right? like that is the best feeling, right when you're walking in to wake them up or if they already got up and they see you and they're really happy and excited. That's the best and so you know while I knew that the first year was going to be exhausting and you know full of lack of sleep and all of that, it actually has just been so special to really like hone in on these these moments. He's already getting so big where like I can't even like hold him and snuggle him in the same way as what he was much much younger!
Molly Vasa Bertolucci
Yeah, it sounds like you and your husband did some kind of planning on the front end to make sure that this first year even though it's exhausting and chaotic that it would be wonderful, that you would be able to have that space and kind of perspective.
Megan Walsh
Um, yeah, oh totally yep and that they can coexist which is always such a helpful tool in allowing both to coexist.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci
Yeah, absolutely. How have you fed your baby in the first year?
Megan Walsh
So I primarily breastfed for the first seven months and then now we're doing um halfbreastfeeding half formula and so that has been a very nice change. You know, luckily breastfeeding came very easy for me. I feel really lucky that’s the case because so many other moms in my circle it did not come easy for and so it just kind of made the most sense um to do it that way. But once I've been back to work and you know needing to pump - I really, really dislike pumping tremendously. I would have to put him to bed and then wait 3 hours and then pump before I went to bed even though I was already like “I would like to be in bed by now.” So I was just hating it so much and after the 6 month mark I thought about it for a while and felt like okay I can stop that and and we can add in formula and it's a okay and it's been great.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci
Yeah, a good balance.
What has sleep been like in this first year?
Megan Walsh
Ah, sleep has been… it's been okay. I will say I feel very grateful that he started out as a pretty okay sleeper. I was very - you know, having had a lot of my sister-in-laws and friends, many people have babies before me, I've gotten to see like the whole spectrum of how sleep can go, so I kind of already had a lot of information and knew I really wanted to be sure that we're kind of on top of the schedule. Here's the type A coming out again, right? This is one place that I can try and bring some sort of structure and control. So I'm going to do it. And so definitely you know, worked hard to get us on a schedule, on a routine. And he's done remarkably well. He was sleeping really well before the four month regression, which did hit. But then we started implementing some sleep training pieces, some you know, modified Ferber method. And honestly we only had to do it for like a day and he then you know, kind of quickly learned to put himself to sleep. And there's of course been moments here and there where it hasn't gone perfectly and as my husband will always say, it's okay, it's not going to go perfectly every time, but you know at least for the past few months it's been pretty reliable and consistent that he sleeps through the night and two naps a day that are pretty decently sized. So I feel very very grateful that kind of sticking to it even though in the middle of it, like I remember one night being like I have to go downstairs because every part of me wanted to run in when he first woke up and started crying - but knowing he can do it, right? He's okay, I know he's okay, all needs are met, he can. And it's going to help him and help us for him to learn to put himself back to sleep which has been just so great for our mental health, to be able to rely on. He goes to bed and we’re good! We don't have to worry.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci
Yeah, sleep is such a game changer, right? Like, everything is so much harder when you're tired and having some predictability is so helpful, too.
What challenges have you faced this year that you didn't anticipate?
Megan Walsh
You know, I would say that the biggest surprise I think to me was how it really forced my husband and I to have to um, really work even more on our communication.
I kind of always thought like, yeah I'm a therapist, like we communicate well. But then when there's sleep deprivation involved and especially when you're breastfeeding, there is this like inherent unequalness when it comes to the time and energy and just the pieces that I could do that he couldn't do. And so I found myself feeling maybe resentful at times, which I know many other moms share - but knowing that like I know you can't possibly do anymore right now? And so working on the communication there of being able to say like, hey this is what I'm feeling but I'm not trying to put it on you, I'm just going to name it. You can know it's not personal, but that we can really work hard to make space for each other's needs even though it's the two of us here together, being able to share all the overwhelm that we're feeling with each other and so a lot of communication pieces and actually at this point I feel like, Wow, we're even stronger than I could have imagined we would be at this point.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci
Yeah, that sounds like a lot of practice in like naming and acknowledging what you're experiencing and then also recognizing like, your partner's having an experience as well. Like we're in this together maybe not necessarily feeling the same thing or dealing with it in the same way, but we're both having this experience and allowing that to bring you closer.
Megan Walsh
Totally yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci
What was it like for you going back to work? So tell us a little bit more about what your work looks like as a creative arts psychotherapist and your transition back to work - all the feelings, all the transitions around that.
Megan Walsh
Yeah, oh that that brought up so much. Leading into maturity leave, just feeling so hard to take the space from my clients- like, the guilt of "I'm not going to be there to support you! He was born the first week in November and so I was like feeling this guilt of like oh I'm leaving my clients high and dry during the holidays where there's so much that comes up that need to be processed at that time, but you know I knew that I have to be there for my son and for me and it's okay to take this space. I grappled with how long to take - you know, owning my own business and setting my own schedule, I got to kind of decide that and I had financially saved,, put away enough money for about. three months but I did start to gradually start seeing clients again after after about ten weeks. I slowly kind of ramped up which that was good. That felt like enough because I was seeing clients virtually so from my home office and I wasn't leaving and going back to work like 9 to 5 full time. It was a very gradual process. It actually felt really kind of nice and healing to like go into my own designated space where I can play a role that wasn't just mom - that I could be back in a space that I knew that I had control over my role in it. Um, you know, being able to just feel like my normal self again was really nice.
And it was. I had to cut down my client list a bit, going from full time to part time, but it kind of naturally worked out especially because I had gone from insurance to private pay so that kind of transition happened at the same time which worked out. Um, but then, you know, it felt like enough. I kept being like, oh it's just enough, it's so good! And then I got to a point of being like, actually I'm ready for more, like I would like more time to work and that's kind of where I've been, actually for the past couple months, is figuring out where can I do more? Where do I want to do more? And how do I want to maximize my time, because I don't have a whole lot extra to give to work. So really having to be thoughtful and intentional about how I want to spend that. So that's been an exciting part right now.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci
Yeah, and that's such a good picture of how ambition can shift or how you feel shifts, right? Like this is enough and then all of a sudden you have a little more room and you want a little more and it's just always changing and that's okay, right? Like you you have more roles in your life now, you have more going on and so things might look a little different in every season of life. Our values kind of shift or different things take priority so. And owning your own business, you are in a unique kind of position to set it up with what feels good to you so that is exciting.
Megan Walsh
Yeah, it’s great to have this flexibility and to know that if I start to feel like, you know, maybe I want even more - of course it's going to come with negotiating a babysitter and taking away some time that I have with him - but I do know that I have the freedom to kind of figure it out in that way that works best. It is so nice and relieving and I'm grateful, I know not everybody has that that choice in this moment of life and so it feels… I'm very grateful for it.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci
Yeah, and it is something that I think all moms go through - trying to figure out “how do I make work and my family fit together now that my family looks different than it did before?” And as a business owner that's a whole other thing right?
So how has the idea of self-care shifted for you, both as a mom and as a business owner, balancing these roles - how has self-care shifted for you in this year?
Megan Walsh
Yeah, yeah, oh such a good question. Um, this makes me think of how four months after he was born, my sister-in-law was getting married and it was her bachelorette weekend and we had decided that I was going to do it. Luckily, my husband was ready to kind of take it on, my mom was going to come help a bit and you know I went to the bachelorette weekend and had a great time and you know really was intentional about being present and trusting that it was going to be fine, that they were going to be fine. And then on my flight back, I had like a 7 am flight and I had a layover. First flight went fine. Second flight got canceled and I couldn't get on another flight until about 12 hours later. So there I was in the airport having like 10 hours to kill and I remember my sister-in-law texting me like, “oh no I'm so sorry you're having to go through that” and you know, I was like, you know what, I have 10 hours to myself right now and I'm just gonna soak that up! I'm gonna enjoy it. Because I think that is what feels like self-care, is really being intentional about when I have my own time - really relishing in it and just you know, owning it. I find myself feeling a lot of self-care when I just kind of go for a drive. Like even if Michael's with me - just listening to a podcast that feels like feeding my soul a bit. Where maybe before, I would have not been so focused on my own self-care time, right? Because you're with yourself and you didn't have to be so intentional about it all the time because we took for granted that we had so much of it. So really focusing on that, I think, has shifted a lot and that's, you know, the same for my business. Realizing that like, oh my business is more than just client time. That's one piece that in going back I was like wait, I need the like actual focused business admin hours! I didn't really account for that and that was the shift I really had to make to make sure that I had that time that wasn't kind of filtering into the time after bedtime where I'm exhausted and I just need to rest truly so it's - the self-care is just really being so intentional.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci
Yeah, and it sounds like being present - because it's so easy to like… my first reaction when you tell that story is, I imagine myself sitting for 10 hours being like panicky, right? Like it's so easy for us to self-sabotage, just like you know, using extra time to think about all our responsibilities and all our roles and so even just coming back to like, I'm here, this is the situation and I'm going to enjoy it be present and this is my time.
Megan Walsh
I'm here, yeah totally. And I will say, I was very lucky that the new season of Love is Blind happened to come out that day. So I did know that I would have a good amount of time to watch a show that I would probably not stay awake for had I been watching it at home. So that helped yes, totally yes.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci
Perfect timing! All perfectly orchestrated. Is there a moment or a period of time that stands out most you looking back on this year?
Megan Walsh
It's so interesting. The beginning feels like such a blur now, like I see images and like moments, especially like in the middle of the night I think just like… foggy. Or you know, the anxiety that comes with like checking the monitor every hour, right? Just like waking up being like are they breathing? And I realized last night I was about to go to bed and I was like I'll check, but I was like, oh! That's different! Like that's different than when you know, maybe the first five months. So that feels really nice to kind of notice that shift - really relaxing into this new normal and I would say there's like just ah, there's nothing better than the routines. I love like knowing that we're gonna do the same thing, right? The same snuggle, the same song, the same kiss before bed, right? The same morning routine, like, I guess it goes back to that type A part in me that really enjoys predictability in routines and once we kind of got into that and to see how my son reacts really well to that - as we know, babies need and love routine - and how that kind of holds our family and really keeps us grounded in this new normal, I think that is really helpful and maybe how that routine allows us to travel. Like we actually had to take him with us to said sister-in-law's wedding in Costa Rica a few months ago and we could do that all together and he slept well and he ate well and everything went like as good as it could be. Where as before maybe we would be like, oh no, this kid has to stay home! The fact that we could have that experience as a family and for it to not be so anxiety-provoking was really, really wonderful and yeah in reflecting on it, you know I guess this is maybe the first time I've really gotten to like, talk about it out loud and reflect back! But yeah, pretty, pretty powerful to see how this work in building this routine and predictability is really a great container for the family.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci
Yeah, it sounds like it really has given you confidence and that knowing like this is a secure kind of base to come back to and it gives calm- like the predictability, and also connection. Like this is predictable, we're all doing this together, this is part of our family's tradition, right? Like this ritual that we do together that builds connection and builds like celebration of each day at the end of the day we get to do this together. I think that's a really beautiful picture.
Megan Walsh
Yeah, so true.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci
What makes you feel proud about your first year as a mother?
Megan Walsh
Ah, yeah. I'm just so proud that… looking at him makes me so proud, right? Seeing that he's thriving. He's doing so well. He's a really happy, relaxed guy and I know so much of that is just him, how he is. But then also knowing too that just seeing how we all interact together in such a playful, fun, loving way makes me feel really proud and you know I think that also goes back to my own upbringing and the ways in which maybe it wasn't as playful or as openly, you know, loving and affectionate. And so knowing that we are establishing that for him from the get-go and experiencing that with him I think is really healing for me and I know really good for him. So I think, I’m really proud of that.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci
Yeah, yeah absolutely. One of the cool things about getting to be a parent is getting to re-parent yourself in some ways and giving yourself the things that. You're building your family values and your family culture and I hear that playfulness and love and connection is really a big part of your family.
What delights you about Michael right now?
Megan Walsh
Yeah, so true. Yeah ah! He's at like the best age! Oh he's so sweet. Like we swear we heard him say “mama” the other day, which you know, it’s a lot of "ba ba ba” but not da or ma so much - but like it was! It was a “mama” that we both paused and were like, we think that was it and it hasn't repeated yet, but we'll get there!
But he's so himself, he so gets it. Like, he notices things. Even yesterday I dropped his crib down a little further because he's a very tall guy and you know, like I could see him be like, there's something different here. And so just seeing him learning and growing. It's just the best and he has the best smile! He loves to dance and move. He's so sweet and snuggly, yeah and he loves music and being, you know, trained as a music therapist, getting to make music with him is just so much fun. Like if I bring out a drum or ukulele, he loves it so much and so having worked in the hospital setting for a long time before my private practice and working with so many babies and children, it is so special to like be making music now with my own son it's really, really powerful.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci
Yeah. How do you think that your work as a creative art psychotherapist and with music and art has impacted the way that you parent and your perspective about parenting?
Megan Walsh
Ah, great question. You know, I found it so powerful in especially the early days with him, how I went to like what I would use in a session, especially with an an infant, when I was working in the pediatric hospital setting. It's all about how can I help regulate and so using singing to him, using my voice in a way that kind of mirrored the rocking motion. So kind of in a time signature that would literally go along with the rocking motion and how that I'm teaching his body to regulate, how to regulate himself and and he can't do that without me. He needs to be together with me to learn that. for his body to code that and so much of the work that I do now with adults in therapy, in using Creative Arts ,is helping using music as a means to self- regulate and in making music or, you know, being creative together, letting them have that experience of co-regulation. Checking in with the body, like noticing what's happening for the body and so to see that happen with my son. It's just really reinforcing of the work that I do and also just reinforcing of the power of music to be this really supportive container for soothing, for regulation, and for joy. You know it's so funny, like early on I would play this Disney playlist from Spotify and he would always light up when “You're Welcome” from Moana came on. Like even at like two, three months he loved it and there was one day in the car and he was really upset and I was like to my husband, “watch this” and he's like it's not going to work - and I put on “You’re Welcome”, and he stops immediately and just kind of chills the rest of the ride. And so it's been nice too to kind of show my husband like yeah, this is actually the work that I do! That music is really regulating and it's a way to connect, a way to bond - singing to him, right? Singing has become part of the routine. You know these songs that we sing together and singing has helped us through transitions, like now as he's gotten bigger. The transition from the crib to the changing table is not always an easy one. He knows he's going to the changing table and it's not fun, but we sing a changing your diaper song and then he he lights up because that’s part of the the routine that grounds him so it's been a powerful thing to use in our relationship.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci
Yeah, that's amazing! Getting to see your professional and your personal life collide and just like, interweave and getting to use so much of your expertise to build up your connection and the skills for your kiddo.
I do work with NICU parents and we work on bonding with your baby in the NICU. Some of what we do is music focused- like coming up with a song together that you can sing to your baby every time you see them and let's replace some words with their name because then it's going to help you both bond and it's just so beautiful and like so playful and fun. So I love what you shared.
Are there any other tools or exercises you would recommend for moms in that first year to to try out with their babies?
Megan Walsh
Totally! You know, what you just shared I think is a great tool to use, to take a song, especially a song that you love and slow it down, make it into a lullaby. You can play around with any song, and it doesn't always have to be twinkle twinkle or you are my sunshine, right? If you love the Beatles, if you love Adele, like slow it down, make it something that you sing together because that's bringing a part of you in and it's a way to to connect and to bring that to your baby.
I love singing his name. We kind of we made up a good morning song and he loves it so much. So you know, making up fun little songs like we're singing “good morning Michael good morning Michael” and you know, we just we do that and he loves it. So finding all these ways to just be playful with music. And even just singing I think, in the early, early days I would just either sing his name in 2 tones, which is like kind of the rocking motion. Sometimes it would just be on like an o or an a but knowing that when you're holding your baby and they can feel your voice resonating in your chest that actually is really soothing to them because it mimics when they were in your womb, right? Because they were hearing your voice and the vibrations from your voice then, so it's just really powerful to continue that as a measure to soothe and comfort them when they are here in your arms.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci
So amazing. Like, so fascinating, I love it. It makes sense and it's also so powerful. Love that.
What words of encouragement or wisdom do you have for moms who are in the thick of it right now?
Megan Walsh
I just went to visit a good friend who's three weeks out and you know what I said to her is just - you're doing a great job. Like the fact that you are just here, that you're showing up, you're meeting her needs. You're doing enough and just to validate that it's really hard and the emotions are all over the place and that's okay! And you're supposed to feel those. It's okay to have hard days. It's okay to to want to be able to take a break. That's okay. This is such a big shift and so I just I feel really strongly about just validating all the hard parts while also celebrating all the wonderful beautiful parts. I think there's just embracing the duality of what it means to be a mom.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci
Yeah, totally. And there's room for all of it and it's all there. It's a big mix of emotions and experiences and that's what makes it so big, right? It's all of this at the same time.
Megan Walsh
Yeah, it's wild. That's probably a fourth term I would use. It's a wild year.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci
Wild. It's a wild ride. Do you have any resources that you'd want to share?
Megan Walsh
Nothing specific is coming to me at the moment - I mean, Spotify like just music would be in general a resource I would want everyone to be able to utilize and just using as much music as as possible. But then I'd say, the resources I use Instagram it's actually like a really nice place to like you know, find information and connection and validation of what you're going through. Like we're in the almost crawling phase and literally the other day I'm looking at the Hashtag “crawling” and just to validate that like, okay, he's not behind. He's right on time, right? These are the things you can do to support him and work on things but just being able to reach out for resources and to ask all the people in my life has been really helpful and talking to them about it in ways that I just wouldn't have understood before becoming a mom and so it actually has kind of increased my connection to friends and family that are moms and parents already.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci
Perfect. And where can people find you to connect?
Megan Walsh
Sure. Well interestingly my Instagram Hashtag is connect with Megan and then yeah, so yeah, works out well and from there you can find my website and and everything else there.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci
Perfect, easy to remember.
Wonderful. Thank you so much, Megan, for coming on and sharing both your experience and your expertise I'm just like, I feel very excited leaving this conversation like I want to go turn on music and dance with my kids! Like, I’m like this is fun and it’s powerful when we’re doing this. So good. Thanks for joining us.
Megan Walsh
Yeah, yes, It's so powerful for bonding and connection and learning and growth and just everything! It's good for the soul. So thank you so much, Molly, for having me.
