5 Ways to Bond with Your Baby in the NICU
If you’re worried about bonding with your baby while they are in the NICU, you are not alone. Many NICU moms share this worry. A maternal mental health therapist shares more on this topic below.
Having a baby in the NICU can be a scary, stressful experience. It’s definitely not the picture most of us have in our heads of the first few days, weeks, or even months of motherhood (I know, I’ve been there, too!). It makes sense that you’re concerned about building a bond with your baby while they are separated from you spending time in intensive care.
But here’s the thing: bonding isn’t put on hold in the NICU. It’s a lifelong process and there are ways to build your attachment with your baby from day one, even while they’re being cared for in the NICU.
The Challenges of Bonding with Your Baby in the NICU
This is Not What You Expected
Seeing your baby attached to monitors, wires, and tubes and being separated from them by an isolette and visiting hours is probably NOT what you had in mind for the first days, weeks, or even months of their lives.
You might feel disconnected from them and wonder about how you can best connect and bond with them while they are getting the medical care they need.
You might worry about the medical environment and the separation getting in the way of bonding with your baby or feel confused about how you can connect with them in the NICU.
Attachment and bonding is not a one-time or limited-time event and you do not have to wait until you get home to build your bond and attachment with your baby. Attachment and bonding is built every single day, this is true with all babies, both in and out of the NICU.
Bonding is a process that begins now and continues throughout your child’s life. While the reality of a NICU stay might not match your expectations or hopes for your baby’s first chapter, it doesn’t put a hold on the powerful process of bonding with your baby.
Here are some ideas of ways you can build your bond with your baby in the NICU.
5 Ways to Bond with Your Baby in the NICU
Singing, Talking, and Reading to Your Baby
Touch
Caregiving
Taking Pictures
Talking about Your Baby
1. Singing, Talking, and Reading to Your Baby
When you’re together, you can sing, talk, or read to your baby. Babies' hearing develops by 20 weeks gestation, and they can pick out mom’s voice and prefer it over all other voices. All the noises in the NICU can be overwhelming, so speaking softly and slowly is best to calm with them and connect them.
Get close and hold eye contact while your baby is awake or feeding, just smiling and talking to them, letting them be soothed by your voice.
2. Touch
Skin-to-skin holding is really powerful, both for your bond and for your baby’s development. If your baby isn’t ready for that yet, you can provide “containing touch”, gentle but firm touch - like a hug with your hands - that creates a secure and calming feeling with the warmth and containment that little babies crave.
3. Caregiving
Love and bonding comes through action, it’s about caring. Talk with your baby’s care team about getting involved in caregiving tasks like taking temperature, changing diapers, swaddling, giving baths, and feeding. These tasks and interactions might look different in the NICU than they would at home, but taking care of your baby is what builds your relationship!
4. Taking Pictures
Capturing photos of your baby’s time in the NICU can help you stay in the moment and connect with your baby while also looking forward to a future in which you’re home with your growing baby.
A NICU stay feels neverending while you’re in it, but someday this will be a memory and you may want to have photos to share with your child about their first chapter of life.
Babies are constantly growing and changing. Pictures can help capture that growth and change and aid in preserving memories. Take pictures of all the different faces your baby makes and detailed shots and close ups of their tiny toes, fingers, nose, and lips to help you capture the moment and get to know them more.
One of the hardest things about having a baby in the NICU is having to be separated from them. Having photos of your little one that you can look at when you’re apart can build your bond and attachment with them even when from afar.
5. Talking about Your Baby
Show off your baby to friends and family with photos and talk about what you’ve learned about them: their likes and dislikes, who they remind you of, and what you’re looking forward to doing with them - in the NICU and beyond.
Share your pride in your baby. Talk about their progress: how hard they are working to grow, rest, get healthy, and come home to be with you.
Celebrate their milestones. NICU babies have their own exciting and sweet set of milestones: their first cuddles with each parent, wearing their first outfit, celebrating their due date, moving to an open bed, breastfeeding or taking a bottle from a parent for the first time, and most exciting of all, graduating from the NICU and going home.
Final thoughts on bonding with your baby in the NICU
Bonding happens through your attention, affection, presence, and care for your baby. It’s not a one time thing - your relationship is built with every interaction.
This might look different in the NICU, but getting to know your baby and taking care of them is what bonds you. You don’t have to wait, your baby is here now. Everything you do to bond with them counts and starts the beautiful lifelong process of building your attachment and relationship.
If you are looking for support as a NICU mom, I’ve got you. Check out more information about individual therapy and resources specifically for NICU moms through Poppy Therapy.
