How to Manage Postpartum Anxiety and Scary Thoughts
Takeaway: Welcoming a new baby brings a host of new emotions - and a heightened awareness of safety. Scary thoughts and anxiety are common in new moms, you aren’t alone and there is support. In this blog post are some tips for managing anxious and scary thoughts postpartum.
Mother holding her newborn baby and feeling anxious.
Having a new baby is an emotional process that involves significant changes. You’re recovering from labor and delivery and feeding and soothing baby around the clock, all on very little sleep.
During these tender first months, you could experience scary thoughts and postpartum anxiety regarding your baby's safety. If this is your experience, you are not alone: over 90% of new moms experience negative, intrusive thoughts about harm coming to their babies. You’re not doing anything wrong - new moms are hardwired to respond to any hint of distress in their babies and protect them. When your brain and body are in this constant state of high alert, you become susceptible to anxiety. There are different ways to find relief from these thoughts.
Tips for Managing Anxious Thoughts
You mental health matters and it’s important for both you and your baby that you take care of your mental health. Here are some strategies to manage scary thoughts and postpartum anxiety.
View Your Thoughts Differently
Identify scary thoughts as "just thoughts" - they are not realistic and genuine. Having a thought in your mind does not make it accurate and thinking something does not make it more likely to happen.
Every day our brains process about 70,000 thoughts. You know the phrase, “a thought crossed my mind”? Allow your thoughts to come and go, recognizing them then letting them cross by. You don’t need to figure out what a scary, anxious thought means. You don’t need to hang on to it and let it grow bigger. You can practice (and get better at) letting it float away. Getting hooked on anxious thoughts gives them more power and takes you away from the moment that matters most.
Take Some Time to Respond
Take a moment before reacting to your thoughts, as it allows you to recognize the thought as a thought, and allow empathy for yourself. It also allows you enough time to process and select relevant data. For example, the thought that you'll drop the baby reminds you how much you value your baby's safety. Respond by saying, "thank you, brain; I will definitely be careful when holding the baby."
Get Enough Rest
Getting rest protects your mental health after having a newborn. Research shows that lack of enough sleep heightens postpartum anxiety and is a risk factor for postpartum mood disorders. Sleep might feel impossible when baby is waking frequently to eat and there’s so much for you to do even when baby is sleeping. Making a plan for some time to sleep, or rest, can help you allow your body and mind to relax.
Make plans with your support system to get at least four hours of sleep. Accept help, take turns with your partner, practice good sleep hygiene, and nap.
Talk to Someone
Discuss your feelings with your partner or a trusted friend to bring your thoughts to light. Make sure you feel comfortable to open up about your fears and anxiety fully. You can also join a new mom's support group where you share your parenthood experiences. Remember that stat from the beginning? Over 90%! Having other trusted moms to talk to reminds you that you aren’t alone. Learning that other women are going through similar struggles can be so validating and give you the strength and courage to deal with your thoughts head-on.
Get Professional Support
If you experience postpartum anxiety and scary thoughts, know that you are not alone; and know that all Postpartum Mood and Anxiety Disorders are treatable.
Professional support resources such as Postpartum Support International (PSI) are here to help you. PSI has a website with different resources and a directory that helps you find a support groups in your area.
Poppy Therapy offers one-on-one treatment for postpartum anxiety, through online therapy for California residents and in-person therapy in Los Alamitos. Book a free phone consultation today to start the process of gaining support and tools to address anxiety.
If you feel that your thoughts are out of your control or that you cannot manage the intrusion, contact your healthcare provider immediately.
If at any time you feel you or your baby are not safe, please call 911 or have someone take you to an emergency room.
If you have been told that your thoughts are worrisome to others but they seem real to you, or you feel that your thoughts make sense and everyone around you must be the crazy ones, let someone close to you know how you are feeling and tell them it’s an emergency.
Further Reading
I love Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts: A Healing Guide to the Secret Fears of New Mothers by Karen Kleiman. It is so validating to know you aren’t alone and to see the secret, scary thoughts shared - giving hope and compassion and reducing shame and isolation among new moms.
