7. Chelsy: Persevering in a transformative, overwhelming first year | Episode 7
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Weβre joined today by Chelsy. Chelsy is a social worker and mother of two in southern California.
From an emergency c-section the weekend the world shut down, to breastfeeding challenges and the decision to have another baby, Chelsy shares the story of her rollercoaster first year of motherhood. She talks about gaining a new role, feeling overwhelmed by the newborn days, and describes becoming a mother as a resilient process full of emotion and adjustment.
Chelsy talks about:
Adjusting to new parenthood during COVID and navigating returning to work
Exclusive pumping
Learning to communicate needs and ask for help
How hearing other moms talk about medication and therapy helped Chelsy find support through postpartum depression
The decision to have another baby and weighing the pros and cons of attempting a VBAC
Resources:
Managing Sleep Deprivation as a New Parent
Postpartum Depression: What You Need to Know
Communication Habits of Successful Couples
Returning to Work after Maternity Leave: 3 Ways to Feel Less Overwhelmed
Kindred Bravely Bras (use MollyV15 for your 15% Kindred Bravely discount code)
From Chelsy:
Looma New Mom Circle (Long Beach, CA)
Transcript:
Molly Vasa Bertolucci:
Today's guest is Chelsy. She's a mother of two and a social worker.
Chelsy is my mom friend that I text late at night when there's something weird going on with my baby or I just need to vent. In this episode, Chelsy shares with us about persevering through a transformative, overwhelming first year. Starting with an emergency c-section the weekend the world shut down, breastfeeding challenges, and the decision to have another baby.
Chelsy, thank you so much for being on the podcast and sharing some of your story with us today.
Chelsy:
Thank you for having me.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci:
So tell us a little bit about you and your family.
Chelsy:
I'm Chelsy. I am a licensed clinical social worker working in Southern California. And I am a mother of two. I have a three year old and a three month old, both baby girls.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci:
What three words would you use to describe your first year of motherhood?
Chelsy:
When I think about the first year, I think about how it was a bit of a rollercoaster. So the three words I picked when I thought about it were transformative, overwhelming, and persevering. I thought it was transformative, you know, just I feel like before I became a mom, I was very career focused and focused on work. And then once I gained this new role, I had to figure out kind of who I was in a different way, like, I wasn't just a social worker, now I was a mother and even my role as a wife changed. So I felt like that was, you know, a very transformative period of time for me, even going from one to two. Same thing over again.
And then overwhelming, it was just, like, having that first baby and first time with the newborn for the first two months was just really, really overwhelming. And then even having this second baby, the first couple months were overwhelming again. It's just that period of adjustment, which is why I picked persevere as the last one because I feel like as a mother, you just go through all these different transitions with your body, and your baby, and your partner, and you're just persevering. Like, it's just very a very resilient process.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci:
I love how you said you gained a new role and you used this word βadjustingβ. It is! You're adding to your identity. Right? Like, there's this shift and you are still who you were before, but you're adding this whole new layer of complexity and nuance and joy and struggles and all these things into your identity. And your life.
What was the model in your head of motherhood? What did you think that that first year would be like?
Chelsy:
So my mother has five kids, five girls, and I am the oldest. So even though I have four younger siblings, I thought it was going to be this blissful, easy experience. My mom made it look easy and I don't know if it's because I was younger and that's, like, the perception that I had. But she was able to breastfeed of all us. And so I thought breastfeeding was gonna be piece of cake, just super easy.
And I thought it was just gonna be this blissful, like, period of oneness with the newborn. And also from my mother's experience, I just kind of thought that I was gonna have very similar birthing experiences to her. And all of her babies were, you know, just vaginal, like, regular birth, nobody ended up in the NICU, like, nothing like that. And so I thought that's kinda how it was gonna be. And it wasn't. Oh, it was different.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci:
It was different. So how did your reality match up to that expectation?
Chelsy:
It didn't. Really. And then I think that's part of it. It's like, I was grieving that thought of having, like, that experience. But, you know, I went in with my first thinking I was gonna labor, you know, have my water break like they do in the movies, and then it was an emergency c-section, I think because my body wasn't ready. Breastfeeding was a little difficult, and it's a little more complicated than it seems. So I struggled with that. And so it's just like a lot of adjusting. So it was just not what I pictured, but, you know, I got through it.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci:
Yeah. And you mentioned struggling with breastfeeding. Tell me more about that. How did you feed your baby in the first year?
Chelsy:
So I was planning on breastfeeding. Right? But I think with going through, like, all like, the induction process and then leading up to the emergency c-section, my body just wasn't ready. So I think it took a little bit longer for my milk to come in, and then I also just didn't know what I was doing, and it was peak COVID, where we didn't have a lot of resources. And once we left the hospital I ended up finding somehow, like, exclusive pumping. Which I didn't know was a thing. So I do think that, like, one problem is, like, when you go to the hospital, everybody's, like, are you breastfeeding your kid? It's not "how are you gonna feed your baby? It's, like, weβll let's get you breastfeeding.
And sometimes that doesn't work. And then, you know, I think it would be nice to have other options because I had no idea about exclusive pumping. I found out like, through a friend who mentioned it and that I looked into it and on social media and found this whole mom support group for exclusive pumping, so thatβs what I did. I pumped every two to three hours to round the clock and did that to build up my supply and I ended up being able to breastfeed her or well, exclusive pump feed her, just exclusively breast milk up until I stopped pumping when she turned a year, and then I had enough stashed to take her to sixteen months.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci:
That's amazing. So it's kind of like, we hear this black and white. Like, you're either breastfeeding or you're not. And, like, this idea that, like, breastfeeding is nursing, right? But there's also like exclusive pumping, and there's like supplementing with formula, like there's this whole like spectrum of ways to feed your baby. And so with exclusive pumping, you were giving your daughter exclusively breast milk that you were pumping.
Chesly:
Yes.
Molly Vasa Berotlucci:
And at the end of your journey, I think you had shared on social media, some stats. Do you remember what those were?
Chelsy:
Like, I had pumped, like, seventy one gallons of milk, which when you think about that lined up, is insane amount of milk. And it just shows me what a woman, or you know, a lactating personβs body can produce.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci:
Absolutely. So that is, like, such a cool visual of the amount of time and just the love that you put into being able to feed her that way and just adjusting
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If you use Molly V15, you'll get fifteen percent off. So I will share that and a referral link in the show notes for you. Let's get back to Chelsy's story.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci:
You also mentioned this was peak COVID, so that's a whole another layer in your story. What was that birth experience like? And that postpartum period,
Chelsy:
It was the weirdest experience. So my first child was born the week that the United States shut down.
So when my husband and I went into the hospital, no one was wearing masks. It was not a thing. And I was actually induced because my blood pressure was high, but it was during the time, like, I was going in for non-stress like, the fetal monitoring. And on the TV, it was like the news talking about how they didn't know how COVID affected newborns.
And so I think that spiked my blood pressure because here I am, first time mom to a newborn, peak COVID, not knowing what's gonna happen. And so we wee admitted to the hospital, and we were there - I checked in on a Tuesday afternoon, and we didn't leave until Sunday. So in that five days, span, or whatever it was that we were there, we saw things progress. So all of a sudden, the nurses on Wednesday showed up wearing masks. And then Thursday, they had all kinds of PPE gear. And then after that, like, Friday like, even little things like, you know, they bring you a thing of water.
They stopped taking your water out. They started just bringing you new ones because they didn't want to, like, cross contaminate, like, water that they're bringing the their patients. Just things like that, the sanitizing changed, like we saw everything. And then leaving the hospital when we were discharged, It was a post apocalyptic world, like, nobody was on the streets. There's no traffic, and then just the stores were crazy. So I remember you know, we needed to get formula because I wasn't producing yet and we needed to supplement and it was nowhere to be found.
So luckily, my pediatrician had some he was able to give us, like, a few cans to get through that period of time, but it was so bizarre. Yeah, baby medicine. Everything was off the shelves at that time.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci:
How disorienting!
Chelsy:
Yeah. Coming into this whole new reality was so weird.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci:
Yeah. Definitely not what you had pictured.
Chelsy:
No. No.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci:
What was sleep like in the first year?
Chelsy:
So in the beginning, it was pretty rough, and I always laugh about it because, look I'm somebody who needs sleep. Like, I thrive on my eight hours of sleep and so when I don't have that, I'm a different person. And, like, I don't function well.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci:
I feel that. I'm the same way.
Chelsy:
I do not function well, and I'm just, like, moody, just different. And so when we had the baby, like, and she was not sleeping very well. Like, I've been looking back on it, and she's probably more like a normal newborn, but it felt like every half hour she was waking up. And then I remember, like, my husband and I would take shifts.
And he can stay up late. He's a night owl, so he would do the night shift and I would do the morning shift. And so I would, like, cry and be like, we're never gonna be asleep at the same time again! So that lasted for a few months and then she got better and then we figured it out. And then eventually, we sleep trained her.
And when we did that, it was life changing for us because she was able to sleep very well and, like, was doing, like, 7 PM to 7 AM, and we were all doing better. Game changer. Yes. It was such a game changer
She was less, like, fussy because she's so well rested. So once we got to that point, sleep was better, and I felt like I could be way more functional.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci:
Yes. Everything is harder when you're exhausted. And everything's a little more raw. Right? And like, what stands out to me when I don't get enough sleep is, like, a heightened irritability and you're already, like, sore and confused and all these things.
And then with the heightened irritability, like, there can be a lot more conflict with your partner. What was it like for you and your husband that first year?
Chelsy:
It was a little bit of a rollercoaster with periods of, you know, like, you have kind of like this blissfulness in the beginning. Like, we have this baby we have we created together! And then it was, like, a little bit of irritability, and then we're both confused and trying to figure everything out. So it was kind of like a little bit of a rollercoaster and then definitely, like, you're figuring out your new role as a couple because now you're not just a couple that's together and has you know, my husband and I have been together now fifteen years. So we've been together for a long time.
And then it was, like, this closeness of two people, all of a sudden, becomes three. And our focus moves away from each other towards keeping this new baby alive and, like, taking care of them. So we had to really figure out our role as parents and how that changes as a couple. And I feel like, you know, now I can easily see that it's different and it's better, but it felt so different that first time.
A little bit harder. And then, eventually, we got it, and we were able to just really jump in and support each other I think too, I did a lot of, like, wanting to him to know what I needed without voicing it. And so when I would feel overwhelmed because here I am holding the baby, trying to pump for her and, you know, just feeling super touched out and overstimulated and then, like, not asking, not voicing what I needed help. And he's completely capable of helping.
So definitely, in this second turn around, Iβve changed that.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci:
Yeah. Yeah. It's all new. Right? It's all new for everyone.
What was it like for you to go back to work? What was that to decision like for you and what was the transition like?
Chelsy:
Really difficult. I would say.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci:
Because this is also COVID. Right? So there's that element too.
Chelsy:
When I think about going back to work, I think of, like, in person because with with my first baby, she was born in March, and then when I found out because I work for an entity that was closed, so we were remote. Right? And so I was able to go back in May and not take my leave because we were home and working at that time only four hours a day, so it was easy.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci
Yeah. Everyone -- Everybody was home.
Chelsy:
Yes. And then the following year, we were still home. And then I was like, something that I will say with COVID is that I was able to be home with my baby for the whole first year, which in all that negative space, it was a really positive thing. And so I didn't go back until April in person.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci:
In person.
Chelsy:
Yes. And that was difficult for me because here I was, home with my baby, I got to be there for every single first. Like, it was the best. And going back was really difficult, which I wasn't expecting because I had always been a working, like, person. And so I was like, here I am, I could do this. Like, it's gonna be nothing. And then when I did it, it was really hard, and I missed her, and I would get updates. My husband was able to be home with her.
And I got, like, a weird jealousy feeling of, like, I wanted to be home with her. And then, you know, we adapted to that, too, but it was difficult. And then I would say, you know, that with this new baby that I have, it's something that I think about a lot. It's like, what am I gonna miss? When I go back in person and she's so little.
Like, I just don't wanna miss those first. It's hard.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci:
Because it's almost like the first time you're having to make that decision now, with your second.
Chelsy:
Yes. Yeah.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci:
And my journey is really similar. Part of my story is that - we have children really similar ages - and so I was home with my first for a really long time, too. And there's a whole cohort of us kind of, pandemic baby moms who like went into having kids with no, like, idea COVID was coming and then getting to spend a lot of time with our first kids and having second children being like, I don't wanna go away from them. Like, this is hard. It's always hard for everyone in different ways, but, yeah, it's this this kind of interesting experience when it's your second and you're kind of making that decision for the first time.
Chelsy:
And it kind of makes you feel - I don't know if you feel like - I'm just a little guilty. Because it's like, here I was home with my first. And now I'm gonna spend a little less time with the second. And I really had to realize that, like, it affects us more than it affects the kiddos. Like as long as we, you know, are there as much as we can and doing the, you know, the best that we can, Like, they don't feel it as much as we do.
Whereas, like, I definitely noticed that I will think that it's gonna be so hard, you know, dropping Noa off at school. And then she's like, bye Mom! Like, I'm crying. She's fine, you know. So.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci:
Yeah. It's definitely an area that some of that mom guilt can pop up. And navigating that is a tricky one. How did the idea of self-care shift for you during that first year?
Chesly:
I think I had to find it in different ways. So I think before I thought of self-care as of these big things. And, you know, like, it just changed and I had to figure out how was I gonna get it in, like, smaller kinds of form. So instead of, you know, going and getting my nails done and getting, like, taking a few hours to do a mani pedi. If I could just go to Target by myself, without my husband, without my kids, like, that feels like self-care or like something that I really like is like having my coffee in the morning. And if I can just have like a really delicious coffee, then I feel grounded and, you know, little things like that. Yeah. II think that's what I just really gotta find it in a different way.
Molly Vasa Berotlucci:
Yeah. That Solo Target Run, that's gold. Yes. A hot cup of coffee? Gold. In one sitting?! Yeah. So good.
What makes you feel proud about your first year as a mother?
Chelsy:
Something that I feel now it comes up, right, like what I thought about when I becoming a mom was all I want is for my kids to feel loved. Right?
And so I I feel like when we're in it, we don't see all the things that we're doing and all the effort that we're putting in. And so I can safely say that I have accomplished that goal because now that my three year old is very verbal, she will say things like, my mommy loves me so much! And, like, mommy and daddy love me. And, like, that's all I care about. And so if I can just, you know, think of one thing with my first years, I just feel proud of, like, given that everything happened and how I felt, you know, I think I did have some postpartum depression in the beginning, like and just getting through that and just proud of, like, just that whole first year, how hard it was, and overcoming all those challenges and getting through it as a family.
Molly Vasa Bertolucic:
Absolutely. What do you think helped you and provided you a lot of that support to get through, especially those days where you felt like the postpartum depression was heavy?
Chelsy:
I think having a village of support, right? Like, especially moms. And then I think to, like, moms around your own age because I did have, like, my mother-in-law and my mom, but things are different now, with how we're parenting and the things that we go through. And so I think having people that you can have very transparent, honest conversations with like, that are gonna validate and then also just support really, really it just meant so much to me.
And just I felt like, you know, you need people that you can go to for advice that are gonna be honest, but also know kind of how you're trying to parent and, you know, get through that. And I think, too, honestly, somebody told me one time that you know, like therapy and medication saved their life, which made me open to getting support for postpartum. Being very open and honest with my doctor so that I can get that support. And that helped me, you know, take care of myself and not feel shame around it and then be better.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci:
Absolutely. Yeah. Good therapy is life changing and lifesaving. Absolutely. And love any chance I get to break down stigma about medications, especially in postpartum, especially when breast feeding, the two can absolutely coexist.
So if that's something that listeners are wondering about, you can talk with your doctor about that, but that's not off limits to you and it can be very supportive.
Having a second child or deciding to have more children is a huge decision. What was that decision like for your family?
Chelsy:
It was interesting. So I come from a big family. Right? I have five siblings. And so I always thought I wanted to have a big family.
And then once I had Noa, I was like, she's all I need. So it changed. But then I could see when she hit around two. Like, she can really benefit from having a sibling, and I feel like you forget about the hard part. We can do it again. And then so my husband and I, you know, we have a really serious conversation. And we're like, what do we want our family to look like? And I was thinking, you know, I wanted three kids, and my husband was very honest and was like, you know, I have the mental capacity
for two. And now that I've gone through this the second time, I realized that we both made the good decision of having just two. And it was different, you know, being pregnant with a toddler. It is different. And it's a totally different game, you know, you donβt et t onap as much as you really want to and need to. And I'm glad that we made this decision, there's nothing better than that first day that they met. So I'm really glad that I was able to capture that moment on video and see Noa meet her sister because she was so excited. She was shaking. It was so cute.
And she was just, like, so happy.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci:
So with Noa, you had an emergency c-section, which wasn't your plan.
Chelsy:
Right.
Molly Vasa Berotlucci:
And then with your second baby, we know each other, so I was part of this, like, journey of getting to see you make this decision about whether or not you wanted to attempt a VBAC, a vaginal birth after c-section, or if you wanted to schedule a c-section. Can you walk us through kind of what that decision was likeand your thought process and what you ultimately ended up doing with your new baby?
Chelsy:
Yeah. So I definitely wanted to have a vaginal birth for the first one and unfortunately, couldn't. And so this second pregnancy, I, you know, my doctor was very open. She's like, you can do the VBAC, but if it doesn't happen, you know, spontaneously, she did say that I would probably need to do the c-section just because there is a risk of, like, the uterine rupture kind of thing.
But she said it was totally up to me. And so I kinda thought about it, and then, you know, had many conversations with her. But ultimately, I decided to do the schedule c-section because with my first with Noa, I did not dilate, like, at all. And it was just an insane amount of pain my body went through and everything. And so I had a really bad feeling that it was gonna happen again. And I was walking, like, miles during the day doing everything that the doctors recommend to help you, like, open up, you know?
And so I just didn't wanna do that. And then I had reached out to a couple moms who did the scheduled c-section and everybody kept saying it was way better. And so I just kind of went for it and trusted the mothers who came before me and my doctor. I will say it was a good decision. And I'm so supportive of, like, mothers that choose to do the VBAC. For me, I'm really glad I did the c-section because when I went in for my check up a week before my c-section. She said I was whatever, you know, however they rate the cervix, they said I was not even close. Like, the head wasn't even near. I probably would have ended up going way past that time, you know, way past forty weeks. So it was perfect for us. And so it was a different experience too.
It was less stressful than my first. The pace was really slow. I walked into the operating room, the anesthesiologist was playing relaxing like classic rock music. Everybody was fine, and the baby was out in less the fifteen minutes and in my arms.
And it was, like, the most bizarre experience. And even my recovery, it was different.I didn't have all the medicine and the induction things and all the stress from, like, laboring for so long. So I recovered so quickly where even my mind was recovering faster than my body and I had to keep reminding myself to slow down because even though I was healed on the outside, you know, you got the incision on the inside, so I had to be better, like, calming down, but I just felt so good. Like, my swelling was different, like, everything. My milk came in the hospital. It was night and day difference.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci:
Yeah. That's a really a good distinction to make - there's the emergency c-section, and then there was a c-section where you actually went in knowing what was gonna happen. And I think there can be such a sense of, like, calm when you'veβ¦ it's really hard to be in that place of, like, βoh, should I?β And there's a lot of, like, should. Right? Like, guilt about, like, βshould I attempt a vaginal birth or what's better?β or like, and it can really feel like going back and forth like a ping pong ball, going back and forth.
Chelsy:
And I feel like too, there's, like, a slight little bit of shame with c-sections. And somebody told me this and I like to stick with it, that all birth his natural birth. Right? So even if you end up doing this c-section, it still counts.
It's not like you didn't have you did not grow your child, like you did, just in a different way that's safe for your body. Yeah. And Iβm really glad that I did because I probably would not have been a good VBAC candidate.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci:
It was the best decision for you and you got to make that decision and have that peace beforehand.
Is there a moment or a period of time that really stands out to you looking back?
Chelsy:
I think a moment of time, I would say, really maybe when they become almost like a toddler in the end of that first year. Because you really see their personality come out, and I think one of the things that made the newborn phase so hard for me is that they're so sleepy and they don't give really any feedback. And it's like once you get that first smile, your like alright, there you are. Yes. And then now, like, my three month old, she's smiling, and she's laughing, and it's so cute. And so I think, like, I like that part as they transition, and then it's really just, like, so much growth from now on. And she's like, she's already so close to being on the move.
And I really like that part, and it stands out. And I think also maybe you know, that part stands out maybe because in that first year, once I got to that three month mark, I felt a little better. And so I wonder if I was more able to be more mentally present because my mental health was better too. Yeah. Finally getting the hang of it and getting out of that kind of newborn fogginess.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci:
Totally. Yes. Tell me about Noa's first birthday.
Chelsy:
It was so fun. It was still COVID time. So it was just immediate family. But the birthdays are my favorite. I love to plan.
I like to get crafty, like, everything and so for Noa's first birthday. I did, because she's very wild and, like, very brave. It's just like like, so very courageous. And so we did where the wild things are. So we did a wild one.
And dressed her up in the little Max costume from the book, which is really cute. Yeah. It was just a really good time and I don't know if you felt this way, but for the first birthday, I felt like it's really also for you as a parent because you're like, wow. I got through the first year. Like, it was awesome.
And so I made this thing for her that was, like, I took a piece of wood, and then I hung photos from her first year. And I just remember a moment of, like, looking at those and all, like, going from the newborn, all the way down to where she was at one. And just realizing how much happens in that first year. And it felt really good to just be like, wow. We got here.
We got through all of this. Like, it was awesome. It was great.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci:
So much growth. For them, it's so visible. And it also parallels so much growth for you as a person and as a mother and as a family. Like, that's β it totally is, like, this big milestone because they're growing up, but it's also like Oh, yes. We made it.
What words of encouragement or wisdom do you have for moms who are in it right now?
Chelsy:
So number one, I would say, always, like, talk to somebody. Make sure that you have someone in your life that you can talk to and support you, especially with, like, setting boundaries and things like that. Have those friends that can validate you, especially when you feel like you're losing it kind of. And also, I like to think of, like, that phrase, it's a season. Because everything changes like day by day.
And so I feel like even when, you know, my baby's having these really fussy nights where I was like, oh my gosh, what's going on. I try to remember that it's all temporary. Like, those hard nights end and, like, things get better and those periods of where they're just crying and you're like, I don't know what's going on, like, to know that that's okay. To know that you're going to figure it out and it comes. So I always love to think of that.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci:
Do you have any resources that you wanna share with listeners?
Chelsy:
I was thinking about this. So I would recommend that if they you want any information, like, about feeding and things like that. If you run into any issues, definitely look up groups on Facebook There is an exclusive pumping group on Facebook. There's also a pumping and breastfeeding group. So you get a lot of tips, information.
I mean, moms come up with, like, the craziest hacks and things like that for stuff. And then I was thinking too, I really like, you know, that I'm doing a New Mom Circle, so I would recommend always looking for support in your area. The Big Little Feelings Instagram gives a lot of toddler tools and validation.
Molly Vasa Bertolucci:
Yeah, great resources. Thank you Chelsy, so much for sharing a little bit about your motherhood journey with Noa and especially coming and being on with us when you're really in the thick of it with your second. I really appreciate it. Thank you for sharing with us.
I hope you enjoyed this conversation as much as I did. If you loved this episode, please share it with a friend, review it, and subscribe to the podcast. Be sure to check out the show notes for links and information about any resources we mentioned in this episode. Thank you for listening.
