3. Lianna: A heartbreaking, defeating, blessed first year | Episode 3

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Lianna is a Marriage and Family Therapist and mother of two. Unexpected diagnoses for both of her babies in the first days of their lives were a "big curveball". On this episode, Lianna talks about how heartbreak and defeat existed right alongside feeling blessed and loving motherhood. She shares about working through grief in postpartum, caring for medically complex children, and how mindfulness has supported her through the challenges of early parenthood.

Lianna talks about:

• Unexpected medical diagnoses in postpartum

• Working through communication blocks and conflicts by talking openly with her husband

• Postpartum mental health and therapy

• Guilt and self-blame in postpartum and parenting

• Finding self-care through mindfulness

• The importance of acknowledging your own limits and enforcing boundaries

Resources:

Learn more about Postpartum Mental Health

Find local mental health support: Postpartum Support International Directory

Online peer support groups: Postpartum Support International Groups

Communication Habits of Successful Couples

Eight Ways to Keep Your Relationship Healthy During Postpartum and Early Parenting

Postpartum Depression: What You Need to Know

From Lianna:

Instagram: @lianna_huseman

Book recommendation: Real Self-Care by Pooja Lakshmin

Transcript:

Molly Vasa Bertolucci:

Today's guest is Lianna, a licensed marriage and family therapist and mother of two. She shares with us about some of the challenges of parenting medically complex children, finding her ways through postpartum depression and anxiety, and redefining self-care in motherhood.
Hi, Lianna. Thanks for being here. Tell us a little bit about yourself and your family.

Lianna Huseman:

Yeah, hi. So I'm Lianna Huseman I am an LMFT. I've been practicing for about eight years.
I have a spouse and two children. My daughter is four, and my son will be two next month. And, yeah, I've been a stay at home mom since my son was born, not by choice. It was due to complications, postpartum complications with myself, that resulted in an eleven day hospital stay and many procedures. I’m permanently infertile now, which is okay, by the way. I'm totally okay with that. And then getting back into the workforce, I started my practice in January and… It's moving. The new thing with me is juggling two kids and not just getting back to work, but working for myself, which is something I never thought I would ever do, nor did I have an interest in.
My husband's the entrepreneur, I was always fine working for somebody else. Right? Clocking in, clocking out, know what I'm getting paid, getting benefits, and coming home and being done, but my kids changed all of that. And so they kind of pushed me on this journey, which has been really exciting. I've learned a lot, but if not for them, I probably would still be working, like, at a group private practice or something along those lines.
But, yeah, that's a little bit about us. And we're home all the time! We rarely leave. My first daughter, I could do everything with her. I could travel the world, I could take her anywhere. My son’s a different story. So we do a lot of staying home or just being outside. Walking to parks. You know, we're on his schedule. We are a guest in his reality and that's where we're at.

Molly Vasa Bertolucci:

Yeah. It sounds like motherhood really changed the shape of your life and you had different experiences with both of your kids. What three words would you use to describe your first year of motherhood?

Lianna Huseman:

So I would say it's the same for both of them. And it's an unpopular answer, but I would say heartbreak was number one. And defeated. I felt very defeated from in the hospital to when we left, getting home. I mean, defeat was all over for us.
We had a very unique experience for both of our children. And then I would say blessed because this has literally been the most amazing experience. I don't even know who I was before my kids. I don't even know what we were doing. I often sit back and go, what did I do? Like, what did we talk about? Like, we just hung out? wWhat did we do? So yeah. We had time. I don't even know anymore, but I absolutely love being a mom and it's interesting because I never ever wanted to be a mother.
I always knew that it wasn't for me or so I thought. I never received the maternal instincts to have a child. It was a decision that I did make, one day. And well, my husband and I made it. He's always wanted children. So I think he was always kinda talking me into it, it took about fifteen years. But yes, so very blessed that I was able to conceive and, you know, have children and it's an experience. Yeah. It is a wild experience, but very blessed.

Molly Vasa Bertolucci:

What was the model in your head of motherhood? What did you think motherhood would be like?

Lianna Huseman:

So in my head… I come from a very large Mexican family or Mexican American. I was raised with raising younger cousins, and I had a few cousins that lived with us for most of their lives. So it was actually a very natural feeling. I didn't have many expectations aside from I'm gonna do it. This is gonna be great.
And I never once expected to have not one, but two medically complex children. So that was the big curveball in our lives, but as far as motherhood goes, it's exactly what I expected. I knew it would be challenging. I knew it would be fun. I knew it would be something that I would know how to do and I still feel that way.

Molly Vasa Bertolucci:

Challenging, fun, and something you would know how to do.

Lianna Huseman:

Yeah. I was never afraid of that.

Molly Vasa Bertolucci:

Yeah. Even with these curveballs that were thrown at you, you felt like, you knew what to do. Tell me more about your kids, the surprises, the curveballs., and more about how you've how you've managed that in your family.

Lianna Huseman:

Yeah. So both my pregnancies were “normal”. Everything checked out fine. I absolutely did not like being pregnant from day one until I delivered. So that was my experience.
It just wasn't a great feeling for me. And oftentimes when I hear women saying, it's beautiful, I'm like, you're lying! There's no way you're telling the truth, I don't if I could be your friend! Like, this is not okay. But, you know, labor and delivery are tough too.
Both of them were very tough, but we got through it. Now with my daughter, twenty-four hours after she was born, she was given a diagnosis. And I noticed it was a physical change and it had to do with their eyes. Her eye, sorry. And I knew something was wrong, but the doctors said, oh, she's swollen, you know. I pushed for three hours with no alleviation, no progression. So they're like, oh, her face must have been smashed up against you. But no. About twenty-four hours later, I knew something was wrong.
And, yes, a pediatric ophthalmologist came into the room and gave her her diagnosis. And in that moment, I felt like everything was taken from me. There was no joy coming from me, just a lot of tears- scared, frightened, we didn't even, we'd never heard of what was going on with her, and we didn't know anybody with children who had extra challenges in a different way. And so, yeah, I left the hospital very heartbroken.
And I'm purposely not going into detail because I still have a hard time talking about it. And I also wanna make sure that I'm giving my kids justice as far as not giving them identifiers before they can truly identify themselves. So my husband and I are still working on that. We're working on how to talk about this with others. But it was more of a physical thing. So that it wasn't like there was something internally, we knew it, we could see it.
And it was really hard and devastating. And in that first year, it was very isolating for both my husband and I. It did bring us closer, which was great, but isolating. I didn’t attend mommy groups. I didn't go out with friends.
I didn't know how people were gonna react to her. My husband and I used to hide her in her stroller and to this day, we'll shed a tear of guilt about that, because we weren’t trying to purposely hide her, she's a beautiful, perfect little bean. We just didn't know how to deal with it. I didn't even have the courage to go to Target. You know? I didn't. I would stay home a lot.

And when you're hurt, no one can say the right things. No one. Even the people that you love the most are very dismissive and they're just trying to help, but It was very unhelpful, so I stopped talking about it. And I kept it to my husband, myself, my mom, and maybe, like, two really good friends that showed me that they could be there for me. And I would even get strangers coming up to me and they're, you know, obviously trying to say “how cute…” and just stop speaking and go, “what's wrong with her?” And I would just freeze. I would start crying. I would leave the store and I would get home and just hold her for hours. I would hold her for hours because I was just trying to protect her. Right? And also trying to protect myself and my feelings. And I didn't even see a therapist -hi, me, the therapist didn't enlist in a therapist - until she was eleven months old. That's how much I just couldn't address it. And we had so many doctors appointments. Her treatments were very painful for her.
Really hard to do. And my therapist was a great help, and she diagnosed me with PTSD.

When someone comes to you and says, “God only gives people what they can handle”. It's one of the worst things you can ever say because I couldn't handle it. So because I couldn't handle it, then I thought that I must really be a failure.
Because if God chose me and I can't handle it, what does that say about me? Right? So much I felt was, like, lost, but the PTSD kicked in because I would stare and stare and stare just hoping -and I knew it wasn't rational- but that she would wake up and maybe her eye would be perfect. Right? I was looking for this unattainable perfectionism when she was perfect all along, but I couldn't see it.
It was my pain, my hurt, and all of that. But around the one year mark, things started to shift from me. I cried a lot in sessions. That's all I needed, to cry a lot because I wasn't crying at home. I didn't even know it.
I was trying to be strong for her and I kept telling myself, she's going through this, not me, which is so inaccurate. We're all going through it, you know. Fast forward, we were told also genetically that it was a fluke, that it wasn't genetic, so she's okay. 2.5 years later, we have our son.
And first thing I asked was does he have, you know, is everything okay with his eyes and everything looked good. I was happy and let's move forward. About three hours into him being born, they did the eye check. I never knew this, but they look for the red bounce back from in the eyes, but looking for the blood flow from the retina.
So, like, if you take a photo and you see that redness, that's what they're looking for. He didn't have it in either one of his eyes. So he has a different diagnosis. And in that moment, I thought, oh my gosh. We did this to them.
I did this to them. I held onto that, like, it was a fluke. I didn't do this. And that's what, like, pushed me through. And all of a sudden, this mantra I had was gone because I'm like, this has to be genetic.
We did this. I did this. And then that started a slippery slope of the immediate postpartum depression, anxiety, and a bit of OCD. On top of that, I had this really hard postpartum recovery that was very scary. And Thankfully, I'm fine.
I'm good. I came home, but I couldn't, I couldn't cope. Could not cope. I could barely take care of my son. I lost my milk supply, which I still cry about to this day.
It was so important to me. And a lot of loss, a lot of grief and loss, and this experience actually pulled my husband and I apart - where with my daughter pushed us together, And, yeah, then all the doctor's appointments, surgeries, we're still in it. Both of my kids, I feel are thriving. And I think it's because we were very relentless with their care. But nonetheless, it's been the most difficult experience.
So with both of our first years with our kids was a lot of sadness, a lot of grief loss. We're not the “woe as me” type of people, but at some point, we did get there. Like, why us? Why our children? What is happening here?
There was just many days of disconnect. A lot of disconnect. I my husband told me that I turned into the Terminator, which was not a compliment. It was “you don't have feelings. You don't say much. You just do.” And that's how I was coping. I was just doing.
Even though I had a therapist this time, I was working through it, it was definitely overwhelming. And I did remember that quote again, like, oh gosh, I got tested again, and I can't handle it again. All the while, I was handling it, but I didn't feel like it. And I felt like a very big failure. Yeah, it was a lot.

Molly Vasa Bertolucci:

Yeah. It sounds like an extremely challenging several years for all of you. And it sounds like a lot of self-blame, sadness, isolation, and grief. You used the word grief, and that's what I'm really hearing.

Lianna Huseman:

Yes.

Molly Vasa Bertolucci:

When were you able to reconnect with your husband, and kind of, repair? Is there a moment or a period of time that stands out to you looking back where it felt like you turned a corner as a family?

Lianna Huseman:

Yes. And I can say that very confidently because it just happened about two months ago. So my son will be two next month. And it had to do with myself and mean mindful. I I learned that mindfulness goes a long way when you're in your grief and loss because you're never in the present.
Right? You're thinking about the past. You are going over and over and over again, like, how could I have done things differently? Or worrying about the future. What does their life look like?
What does our life look like? And so when I started utilizing mindfulness, I would go on my walks. And my walks, I felt like really saved my life. Movement outside, nature, vitamin D. And at one point, I just started crying out loud, saying things I needed to say.
And that's when I felt like the cloud started to part, like, I needed to be mindful. What did I feel? What did I need? What did I want? And I wasn't doing that because as a mom, we're really good at taking the blame.
We're really good at feeling guilty and always thinking about, like, what can I do? What can I not do? And so I just started to become more present as like, what do I feel? And do I feel it in my body? And if I feel it in my body, can I talk about it?
So I started doing that with myself, and then I slowly started texting my husband and I would say, I don't want a response. I don't need one, I just need to get this out. And you're the person. You're my person. And I need say it to someone.
And he would come home and say, do you want to talk about it or is that what you needed? And I would answer appropriately and we move forward. And then in the evenings, since I told you, we're pretty much like, prisoners at times to our home. We started going into the garage and we have the couch in there and it's kind of become the safe haven for us. Our kids love being in there and we started to just talk to each other.
And when I say talk, I mean, we're getting very gritty about how we felt like, with honesty. It was just coming back together and speaking truth and saying I didn't feel like you were there for me when…. Well, I didn't feel like you were there for me when you did this or I felt like you were taking it out on me. And so it brought a lot of awareness to, like, how we were actually moving through this time. So everything he had to say to me, I'm like, who are you talking about?
That's not me. I didn't do that. He was like, what? I'm just telling you, you are and I had no idea because I was so lost in my grief and my sadness And, yes, he's my safe person. So of course, I'm gonna take it out on him.
And it's so crappy, but we do that. Right? Like, we do that. And I am so blessed to have him as my partner and in that way where, no, he didn't let me leave. He didn't get upset at me.
He was very calm with me. And trying to figure it out, and all the while, I was thinking, this happened to me, not you. That's so not true, but that's how I felt. Like, I'm the one that landed in the hospital. I'm the one that couldn't take care of my baby.
I'm like, it was just about me. And like, when you're really in the grief, and loss part in your depression, it really is about you. It's hard to see anybody else And again, being a therapist, you would think that I'd have the tools. I didn't.
Once it's you, you have to really go with what you feel and what you know and how you're experiencing it because everyone's grief and loss is different. It's, you know, it's not linear. And even for myself, I felt like I was starting to get better about nine months postpartum, and then the baby's birthday happened, his first birthday, and it took me right back into the most severe part of the depression. Then I've started utilizing mindfulness and that was back last year about November and everything started to look up.

I started to build my business. So also, I had something for myself. Right? I was building my business. So I was away from all the baby stuff, and I gave myself some time to move back. My husband and I are being way more honest, way more open, and we were tip toeing, I think, around each other for a long time.
So it's just getting back to saying, you know, we're here right now. It's you and me. How do we do this? How do we move forward? If this were me ten years ago, we'd probably be divorced by now because we didn't even have the tools back then.
We've grown together, and I'm so grateful that we've gone to this place. But yeah. I mean, there was just like no secret to it. Just being honest and talking to each other with no one else around him and I. Not calling friends, let's get into it.
And then being in a very vulnerable place together, sitting next to each other and just whatever came out, we held those feelings and accepted or maybe not accepted, but at least respected each other in that sense. Very hard. Very hard.

Molly Vasa Bertolucci:

Thank you for sharing that. I think it's so easy to forget when we're going through something really challenging, traumatic, whether that's birth trauma, the early years of parenting, a NICU stay, or medical issues, that our partner is having an experience as well. It's so easy to forget that. Thank you for bringing that up.
What makes you feel proud about your first year as a mother?

Lianna Huseman:

That I didn't give up because there were so many days that I wanted to. And I think that's just motherhood in general. Most of us have those days that I just don't want to and you don't think you can until you do it and you're at the end of your night getting into bed and you're like, I did it. I survived. And then on top of that, I had the layer of all the medical challenges where I didn't falter for my kids.
I wanted to so many times. I mean, there were days where all I couldn’t even call to make the appointment because we we do a few a month no matter what. And this has been our life for over four years now. They can feel exhausting and you never know what they're gonna say when you go in. Is there a progression?
Is there not? So I get very anxious even making appointments for them. But, inevitably, I do it. It gets done. And I've had to realize that sometimes it can be on your own pace.
You know, taking away the outside noise. Like, it should be done this way at this time. And I've had to let that go now. I need to do it the way I need to do it or I'm not gonna survive or I'm not gonna be okay or I'm gonna ruin my marriage because I'm refusing to accept my abilities. And the last part is, I finally learned how to ask for help with my son.
With my daughter, I never asked. I never wanted anyone's help. I don't really know what that was about so much. I have some theories, but haven't really dive into that yet. But with my son, I finally learned how to say, I can't do this.
I need help. Even for my husband, I try to do it all because he's had to become the sole provider for us. So there's this other guilt, like, because of how I responded or didn't respond well to my present or to my postpartum experience, more of the stress landed on him. And he's an entrepreneur.
So it's you know, he owns his business. And so, like, that is its own beast. And I had to even say, hey, I know you're so tired. But when you come home, I need an hour. Like, just give me a break.
Let me recharge. I need to fill up my cup. And usually if I go on a walk, I just go on a walk, and I found that that works for me. Body movement works for me. And I don't mean working out.
Like, let's separate the two. It's body movement. I get out there. I do walking meditation. Right?
I just start seeing things. Like, look at that grass. Look at the flowers. Look at, oh, that's nice. That's a nice landscape.
You know, when you kinda get back in the moment, I recharge, I come back and I'm like, thank you. Go do what you need to do. And that was really hard for me. I felt like a horrible wife to know that again, I feel like a lot of this is my fault. In reality, I know it's not, but I do feel like it's a lot on me and I felt guilty for even asking him to help me.
And I do have an amazing support system, so I have learned to do that.

Molly Vasa Bertolucci:

I think that can come up for a lot of women who stay home with their kids after they're born. Some guilt around needing that alone time.
What was that decision like for you about going back to work? Can you walk me through what that was like for you emotionally and how you decided together?

Lianna Huseman:

Yeah. So I've quit being a therapist twice in my career. I think you know what I mean by that. It's a very challenging profession that we get into. And what I've realized over the years is that if you're not right internally with yourself, holding space for others will only deplete you more.
And so I didn't know how to be a great therapist in the sense of how do I take care of myself. So once I learned how to do that, I think that's what made me decide to go back to work, saying, okay, life is so hard and I don't know if I could. And also I have to be readily available to my children, so I can't actually go to work, which has been another challenge when you have medically complex or fragile children, it changes your life on every level. I decided I needed space for myself.
I just knew it, like, once I started to feel that alleviation of the postpartum depression and anxiety start to dissipate, It changed. All of a sudden, it was this moment of I wanna go to work. So it wasn't a conscious decision. I think it was the alleviation of like, if I had imagined my cup is full, which it was, that alleviation provided more space for something else to enter. And it was, I love working.
I've always loved working. Right? I love my profession. I love what I do. It was I need this.
So it was tapping into self care. Right? Like intentional self care. What do I need? And that was it.
Like, I needed something for myself. I wanted to talk to adults again. I wanted to practice my craft and it's interesting, but in this moment, I realized my population and that was working with the postpartum experience. And I think a lot of what we experience helps shape what what we're supposed to do. Right?
Like, I know I'm supposed to do something, and now that's where it's at. The experience itself has been the toughest professional decision in my life because currently, I only get and I do say only, nine hours a week of total kid-free time. So I'm utilizing those nine hours to learn how to be an entrepreneur, to learn how to do something that I never set out to do. It wasn't a dream of mine. I am loving it.
It's so difficult, but challenging in in many ways. It's balanced. I think it's just learning how to utilize those nine hours and then when my kids go to sleep, I give myself about like an hour or two, but also learning how to say I'm done. Like, I just don't have anymore in me. Just knowing my limitations and saying, I can't do this or I can do this, and then just having patience with myself.
Like, alright, I need to check-in with myself. I need to stay mindful. I need to take a break. I need to walk away. And ask myself, what do you need in this moment to feel better?
What do you need in this moment to regulate yourself? What do you need in this moment to be the version of yourself that you want to be? I think a lot of us don't ask ourselves that throughout the day and queue the end of the night guilt. Right? Like, I should've done this differently.
That's what I've learned so far with my experience, is just taking a breath and saying what do you need because I've never been used to that. Not used to asking myself, I am over there looking at everybody else's needs and then what do they need? How do I help them? But if we don't know how to check-in with ourselves are we even able to help someone? What's the repercussions of that?
Well, for me, it's yelling at my kids when they don't deserve it. And the list goes on with other areas of your life. And I think that goes back into that mindfulness of where are you at in the present moment.

Molly Vasa Bertolucci:

Yeah. It sounds like connecting with yourself and being really mindful. Those are the things that help you reset. Yes.
And there's so many opportunities as a parent to reset throughout the day. You can restart over and over and over to infinity. Yeah. Always an opportunity to restart.

Lianna Huseman:

And that's I think that's power in itself to know that you can do that. And once you realize you have power in it, it almost becomes addicting. Like, oh, I can do this. I can reset. Watch me.
Watch me.

Molly Vasa Bertolucci:

Yes. That's one of the things I love about mindfulness is it's always accessible to you and you're like, why isn't everyone doing this all the time? I feel so much better when I'm able to really pause, breathe deeply, connect with myself, and regulate. And it's always there. Yeah. It's an amazing, amazing tool. Yes. What else has been helpful for you in your journey?

Lianna Huseman:

Only allowing people who can support you in a way that you can receive it. And what I mean is just because you have an amazing support system, as I do, it doesn't mean everyone in that support system can be there for you in the ways that you need them to be. So understanding who you can go to for certain things, to talk about certain topics, to lean on. Someone might just be that friend that comes over and hangs out with you. Someone might be that one that you're getting deep conversations with.
I have learned over the years that not everyone can encompass the same abilities. And what I talk about tends to be heavy a lot. Like, this is never ending for us. And sometimes I feel like that's why the isolation kicked in because how I describe my experience with other moms is where their story stops as in, let's talk about how exhausted we are, what are we eating? What are we feeding them?
You know? That it's. Like the collective mom stuff that most of us can relate to. Where these conversations stop and their stories stop, mind keeps going. Because I'm like, but how about your medical stuff with your kids and how, you know, like, you want to relate to other moms like that and more times than not, you're not gonna have that. You have to really know who you can lean on in those times.
And even having a list, like because when you feel dysregulated, emotionally, you start to call, text, like, I need something right now and having a list saying, like, these are the people that can talk to you about this. This is who this is who can hold space for you. This is someone who just listens. Right?
Knowing how to gain support outside of your immediate support system. Like, I have joined Facebook support groups that are amazing. They make me feel like, you don't feel alone in it. Like, every time you're feeling down, you go on there and you're just like, oh, they're going through it too. They're going through it too.
Knowing what resources you have that are outside of that main support group. Because you also don't wanna tarnish it. You know, it's not their fault, like, what you're going through and you don't want to say, like, well, they're not my friend anymore. And I have said that, like, you know what? I I thought we were friends but I guess not.
And then I had to take a step back and go, okay. No. That's not what it is. It's just this is really heavy. It's different.
And I need to know how to get support outside of that main support group and whether it's professionally or a support group, finding my other, you know, my tribe, as in other parents who are dealing with the same thing or something similar.

Molly Vasa Bertolucci:

Tell me about your children's first birthdays.

Lianna Huseman:

They were big. Really big. We did it big. I would say though my daughter's was more joyous. For me because I had already started to fill the alleviation of the very big feelings.
And I was already kind of moving into a more content place, a happier place, a more accepting space. But tons of family, my daughter, she's such a joy, and she's easy. I don't know. She's just easy, you know. Easy babies just tend to bring a little bit more joy out in here in those first years.
But my son, he's different. He's not easy, and I don't even think he wanted to be there. You know? And I'm like, I just threw you, this massive party, and I'm stressed out. And you're like, why did I even do this?
Right? But the days were really fun and I love the pictures and the memories, but that one I had to push myself through.

Molly Vasa Bertolucci:

I really appreciate you sharing Lianna, the ups and downs of healing, that it really isn't linear and kind of sharing that being sometimes in a place of contentment and feeling further along and healing, and then sometimes feeling setback or sometimes feeling defeated. Sometimes really feeling that heartbreak more times than others. And that is such a true picture of what it's like to go through healing and to go through acceptance. So I really appreciate that kind of honest picture of the ups and downs.

Lianna Huseman:

And I don't always wanna feel this way, but I am taking my time and reminding myself again, it's not linear and there's no time limit. Right? It's also, I have this It's not like my own theory, tt's what I've heard, but I definitely embrace it - that I think postpartum experience is for the rest to your life. I do.
And I think as long as you have children, you are maneuvering through the postpartum experience. And I know the different things are gonna come up for a lot of us. And I wish someone would have told me that. I do. That this could happen.
And you're never going to be the same. It's not a bad thing. It's just to be more aware of how we can feel triggered even by our kids turning to certain age and we experience something traumatic like, at their age and then boom. We're right back in it. Like, why wasn't I told any of this?
Why didn’t any of my OBs say, hey, Postpartum is coming, you might want to get prepared. That would have been nice.

Molly Vasa Bertolucci:

What words of encouragement or wisdom do you have for moms who are in it right now?

Lianna Huseman:

There's so much. You are more capable than you know, and I don't mean that by action. I don't mean you're more capable as in you can do because I think all of us can do. Right? We have to even define that line of being a human being and then being a human doer.
You are fully capable. But what I don't think people speak on more is that you're also capable of saying, “I've had enough. I need a break.” I am capable of advocating for myself. There is so much more to motherhood than just it’ss name. You're not just a mother.
You are becoming this protector, you're becoming a role model, you are becoming the biggest multitasker of your life. There's so many hats you’re gonna wear and roles you're gonna assume. And on those days where you feel like you can't do it, I think there's more power in saying, I've had enough. I can't do it. I need a break.
I need this. This is what I need. And I I think that is the most important lesson that I've learned through all of it is that I know I’m a capable person. No one needs to tell me that you're a capable person. But are you capable of the the hard things, the contradicting things, like, are you able to say, I'm not okay today.
And I think a lot of us in our western culture, t's all about the hustle. It's all about the, you know, you got this. Keep moving. That's such B.S.
Like, in motherhood, You do that.? You're gonna run yourself into the ground. And your children watch every single move you make. They listen to everything you say. So you are quite literally setting up their life and showing them what it looks like to take care of yourself or to not take care of yourself. And that's your capability.
You are capable of saying I have limits, and my limits are valid, And I'm not less of a mother because I have them. I'm actually more of a mother to say, I can't be the best version of me. If I don't take care of myself. So this is me setting a boundary with myself, not even the people around you and saying, this is what I'm capable of today. It doesn't mean it's the rest of your life.
You don't define yourself by what you do. You define yourself on what you know about yourself and what you utilize and how you can pick up on your strengths and acknowledge your weaknesses because we all have them. And on your weaknesses, you either say, I'm gonna get better at that or no, I'm good. I just need help. I need help and just knowing who you can lean on.
We were never meant to do this alone, yet our culture really promotes that you can do it by yourself and it is awful. I think it's so toxic And it's like no one's capable of doing it all. No one. The last thing is: you are enough, everything you're doing. You are enough and you can embrace that and say this is what I can offer and not compare yourself and more importantly not judge yourself. There might be an opportunity to enjoy this these hard moments. Right? Because I'm in the thick of it. I know it'll probably even out and then get right back into it.
So That's what I would say.

Molly Vasa Bertolucci:

Where can people find you to connect?

Lianna Huseman:

So you can find me on my website which is liannahuseman.com. Email, liannahuseman@gmail.com. And my Instagram, which I've taken a break from for the last two weeks, but I'll be right back on it, and it is the handle is meetmeinpostpartum.

Molly Vasa Bertolucci:

Thank you so much for for sharing a little bit about your story, Lianna, and for joining me on the podcast.

Lianna Huseman:

Thank you. It’s always a nice release and I just hope that if anyone out there is listening, there is so much support and help and you just gotta find the courage to reach out.

Molly Vasa Bertolucci:

I hope you enjoyed this conversation as much as I did. If you loved this episode, please share it with a friend, review it, and subscribe to the podcast. Be sure to check out the show notes for links and information about any resources we mentioned in this episode. Thank you for listening.